Come to Jesus Meeting

Come to Jesus Meeting is a southern saying it means that you are in deep trouble and you better make your peace with the your creator. Memphis and Will were told many times in their youth by their parents they were about to have a "Come to Jesus Meeting."
     It was early summer of 1973.  Memphis went to church camp in the Smokey Mountains with his friend Will. After about 10 hour drive, they finally arrived at the camp. They arrive in time to get their instructions and  assigned cabins. The first day was spent like a meet and greet. Will and Memphis spent the day getting acquainted with the other campers. They quickly became friends with Bounce, Red, Stumpy, and Doc. Bounce was a big ole boy. He was round like a beach ball. Hence, the name Bounce. Red was tall and thin with bright red hair. Stumpy was short and stocky like a bull dog. He was strong and to the point. Doc was from a family of doctors. His dad was a neurosurgeon and his mom was a pediatric doctor. He knew a lot about medical stuff. So, he earned the name Doc.  This motley crew was the miss-fits of the camp. They were kind of like the toys of Miss-Fit Island. The rest of the campers did not want to be around them. So, the counselors decided to put the boys into cabins next to each other. This way they could keep a close eye on the pack. They became a tight knit group of guys. Any activities that required teams, they made sure the pack was together. They became known as the six pack of trouble or triple deuce(3D) since they bunked in pairs. After the third day, two counselors decided to take a larger group of campers way up stream to the mountain top to see the shell of an helicopter crash. The pack knowing that two counselors could not watch that large of group closely. Well, triple deuce found their opportunity to split from the group. They walked real slow and waited for the larger group to get far ahead of them. 3D(triple deuce) took off running in the opposition direction down stream. They were about two miles down stream when the river forked. They took the fork to the left. After about a hundred yards, a large chain linked fence blocked the creek and had a no trespassing sign. The sign was ignore as Will and Stumpy pulled the bottom of the fence up as the rest of the crew slipped under it. Once, all the group was on the other side. 3D came upon a shed standing along the bank of the river with pipes going from the river to the shed. There were hundreds of white jugs some filled with a liquid and some waiting to be filled. They had to walk about thirty yards to find a spot to get up on the bank and to back track to the shed. The group had found a still and a bunch of moonshine. "The Comstock Load" , they were all excited. A pig in slop couldn't have been more excited. Will had been prairie dogging it for ten minutes.(needing to take a crap) So he ran to find a tree to drop the turd behind. All of sudden he comes screaming trying to pull his pants up. He was screaming, "RUN!" The group looked puzzled. He was running like his butt was on fire. Then in the distance we heard the barking of hounds. Further in the distance we could hear someone scream "Get the Hell out of here"! Stumpy grabbed a jug and they all were looking for a place to get back into the river. The bank was eight to ten feet above the creek bed. Memphis jumped and the rest followed over the edge. Who ever gave Bounce his name gave him the wrong name. Memphis found out the hard way. Bounce jumped after Memphis and landed right on him without a bounce. It flatten Memphis against the hard stones of the creek bed. For a big round guy Bounce could run. Memphis popped up and drafted behind Bounce. The group was running for their life and the dogs finally made it to the river bed. 3D finally made it to the fence and got to the other side. They were waiting for Red. They busted out laughing at Red. His arms and legs were flying in all directions. Imagine a wet noodle trying to stand straight. He was kind of like those tall skinny stick men with a large fan blowing it around. It is used at grand openings to drawing attention to the event. Or was he trying to take off flying. The group finally made it back to camp. Memphis was nicknamed spots because of the bruise spots from the rocks all over his stomach. Thanks to Bounce falling on him. After making it back to the camp ground, 3D never left the grounds of the camp for the remainder. They stay close to the counselors and watched all the strangers closely. The boys made it back home safely and were friends for a few more years.The bloom of friendship between Memphis and Will slowly whithered and died. As with a lot friendships it was a slow  death. Their friendship is another story to tell. May your friendships bloom forever my friend.
Keep Hope in your heart and Love will bloom.

see ya,

dog gone,

Dogman707

Here is a Thought??

I had this thought the other day. It was about how to improve the government. The ancient Romans had large public bathrooms. People from all walks of life would gather there and share ideas.The politicians would meet there and discuss ideas. Those ideas could be new laws or improvements to the Roman way of life. Rome did raise to great power at one time.This is where it hit me. We could turn the rooms were the Senate and House of  Representatives meet into a large bathroom. Instead of chairs to sit on, there would be toilets for them to seat on. This way the crap will come out the correct end of their bodies.  Maybe, then they would not be full of crap because it was dumped in the proper place. And  maybe some intelligent words will come out of their mouths.  This would be a change from the stupid crap that comes out of their mouths.
How about it? Do you think it would work?

see ya,

dog gone

Dogman707

Just an Observation

 Ever since the kids were  little. We had a little game that we played. When we go shopping we tried to observe what other people were buying. We tried to make a story or quick witted commentary about the combination of products that they are buying.
 Well, Memorial day weekend my adult daughter spotted a funny combination. The man in front of us was buying one 24 ounce can of Miller Lite beer and a 6 pack of light bulbs. She commented, "Whoa, dad  that man is really lighting it up this weekend. Lite on the beer, heavy on the bulbs. "

What observations have you made?

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Bathroom Etiquette Vol. 3

Here are some more bathroom etiquette rules. I believe the ladies will appreciate it and the men will hate it.
Sorry fellas, I'm sucker for a lady in distress.

1. After you use the toilet, close the damn lid! There is no need for the lid to be up. Unless, its your drinking bowl and its too much effort for you to lift it every time you want a drink.
2. If you are like Shaq missing free throws and you can't hit the toilet or sprinkle while you tinkle! Wipe it up off the floor or squat on the damn toilet! If she doesn't put up with your shit, she sure as hell does not want to step in your piss!!

Damn fellas show a little kindness for the ladies.

see ya 

dog gone

Dogman707

Teenage Years 3

We are slowly coming to a conclusion of my day. The last song on my musical journey is cuing up. My eyes slowly open wide. My nostrils flare as I take a long deep breath. I focus on the future while staring out my bedroom window. The rays of the setting sun are dancing across the sky. As the curtain falls on today, I know it will rise for a new day. My future! It does not matter what the future holds for me because I'm the captain of my life. There will be people leaving my life as I adventure into the future. I will cherish the memories of my friends and the people I meet. I will revisit them as I return to these songs. There will be troubled waters and I will return to these songs for inspiration. The one thing that has not changed is the illusion that we are alone and everyone is better than ourselves. Yes, there are times that I'm alone on my boat. But, it is meant for me to be alone for the moment. There is a message for me in silence of the still waters. There is a message for me in the raging waters. I have to listen for the whisper. So, my friend if you are tired of feeling alone and need a ride. Hop aboard and join the journey. I cannot tell you the future. I cannot tell you were the pot of gold is. All I can tell you is that you are the captain of your future. Tomorrow will get better. When will the better tomorrow be? My friend, I do not know. Rest assured my friend. You are not alone. We are all in the same boat. We just don't see each other for the fog of our troubles. Thank you my friend for the darkness is lifting and I see sunlight of the future shining my way.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

                          Come Sail Away - Styx

Teenage Years 2

As we continue this quest through my youth, another song raises to fill your ears. My anger has built up and is still there as Fooling Yourself fills the room. The stereo is cranked up with the album spinning on the turn table. Yes, I'm an angry young man. The world just doesn't seem fair. I got to quit feeling sorry for myself. I am young and resilient. I slowly pick myself up and realize that the world is at my feet. I'm  going to continue on. I scream at the top of my lungs,"I coming and I coming strong!" The world will not crush me. It may rough me up, but I will survive. World take your shot.


Fooling Yourself - Styx

 If you have the album, you can hear a synthesize duck quacking. Vinyl has a sweet sound. It's about 3:09 on this video or CD.. So, turn up the volume to listen for it.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Teenage Years

Grand Illusion - Styx

Let us slip back to 1977 and the troubled teenage years of my youth. The one thing that has never changed is the human feeling of being alone and not fitting in. So sit back, close your eyes, listen to the music and take a ride. You are down and loneliness is setting in. You have your ticket to life and are coming out into the world. Which way do you turn? Why do I not seem to have it all together? The media paints a picture of fantasies and illusion of life. But, my friend do not forgot. We are all the same and have worries. They maybe different worries, but just as important. The song sums it up very well. You will find your path in life. So, may love and hope grow in your life.

see ya,

dog gone

Dogman707

Grapes of Wrath (my version)

This weekend I was laying on the couch with my eyes closed. I was absorbing the movie that was on TV. With my eyes closed I could take in every word and create my own image of the events. Oh crap! OK I fell asleep on the couch. You happy now? I confess. As I was in my world of relaxation, I started to feel this thump. I would feel this thump repeatedly. I thought it was part of my dream, but the thumps kept getting faster than the action in my dream. My eyes open as a grape was traveling to the middle of my forehead. Suddenly, more came hurling toward me. My family was taking turns throwing grapes at me! The were keeping score on who could hit me in the middle of my forehead! Hell, it must have been a pound of grapes on the couch and the floor. I asked,"What the Hell are you guys doing?" I had to act pissed. I couldn't let them know that I thought this was funny as hell. I'm thankful that it wasn't the apples or worse the damn cantaloupes. So, I will have to remember this and plot my revenge on this little family of mine. Them dang turds. Beware if you like to fall asleep on the couch. You may have someone in your life the may do this.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Bathroom Etiquette - Volume 2

After a long night, I returned to work early in the morning. I had a quick breakfast and had to go to the restroom afterwards. As I sat there with my moment of silence. My moment of tranquility before the day begins. Yes,I did the courtesy flush. Coming from above, I hear "Good morning Dog."  It startled me from my drowsiness. I instantly replied, "God?" and instantly cleared my bowels some more. I wondered am I dead? What did I do now? I hear a slight chuckle from above. I slowly raised my head and looked toward the ceiling. Low and Behold, I see some eyes staring down at me. Its the company's CEO looking down on me as he is pissing in the next stall. What the hell!
He was a former basketball player and stands between 6'-9" and 7'-2". He can look over bathroom stalls while standing flat footed on the floor. He literally scared the shit out of me. I thought I was alone and with my thoughts. Damn him. So, here is another rule to bathroom etiquette.

1. If you are tall enough to look over into the next bathroom stall to you. DO NOT LOOK! The person in the next stall does not want or need an audience. If they want company or an audience, they may ask you. So keep your eyes on your business.
2. Again, DO NOT LOOK over the partition.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Bathroom Etiquette

Here are some Simple Rules to Bathroom Etiquette for you grown ass adult men in the office environment.(or any bathroom)

1. Always do a Courtesy Flush. Your wife or partner doesn't want to smell your stink. What the hell makes you think anyone else wants to smell it?  You are not some child that just got potty trained. Or are you just so damn proud that you can use the adult toilet. So, quit simmering in your stinky crap and do a Courtesy Flush!!  Dammit!
2. Never talk on the cell phone when your are taking a dump! Nobody wants to hear your conversion while your savoring  your stinky shit. That we Don't want to smell!! Shut the F-up and Flush!
3. Always Flush after dumping. It is not a work of art. You can recreate it again. Flush the damn thing. And Always use toilet paper! Unless you're a dog. Then lick your ass your lazy son of a bitch

How do I know that you did not use toilet paper? Because there were two new rolls of toilet paper in the stall. And the python of a turd that you left in the toilet did not have any toilet paper with it! Or did you put the dirty paper in your pocket? You idiot with the dirty ass.

These rules are good to use for any restrooms.

This rant is brought to you because somebody is not properly house broken. This bathroom is in an executive office environment. All the men that use this restroom are college educated . This was not in some rat hole of a service station. And it was one too many turds that were in my crappy day. So, I had to say something.

see ya,

dog gone 

Dogman707

My First Date

I tried for months to get a date with Beth. It was my 15th season under the sun and I was approaching the 16th season. Luckily, I had not gotten cancelled. Maybe, after tonight I may have wished I did.. More, on that later. I had a car but could not drive it yet, because I had to pay for the car insurance. I was getting the money pretty quick to pay for the first year. One of my dad's rule. I had to pay for a year's worth of insurance. Beth's parent would not let her date without a chaperon yet. Plus, they had to get to know me. So, I proceeded to show them my angelic side. Finally, I got their approval and they selected the chaperon. Oh, man her big sister. The one that dates the big gorilla of a football star. Big sis had this guy on a tight leash. You know kind of like Pinocchio.So, they picked the drive-in and some B-grade horror pictures. Friday night was here and we loaded up into her parent's 1974 Ford Country Squire station wagon. It was green like the one from the National Lampoon's Vacation movies. The drive-in always showed two movies. Sweet, a late night. We drove into the theater and found spot to park the car. Beth wanted to get the refreshments before the movie. So, we went to the concession stand. We got a large tub of butter popcorn, corn dogs, and a super large cola. I'm talking  about a two quart bucket or larger of soft drink. That is what she wanted. Well, it was intermission. Her sister and boyfriend took off  for the concession stand. The moment has arrived we are alone. Its now or never. So, I raised my arm over her shoulder and pulled her close to me. Nice! She welcomes this advancement. As I sat there with a grin and whispered "Sweeet!!", to myself with a sparkle in my eye. All systems are go, I got the clear signal to proceed to target. I slowly turn to her for the kiss. AAGGHHH! SHIT THAT'S COLD!!! She had dumped the bucket of soda in my lap! What the hell! It took me 12 years for my balls to drop and it took her 5 seconds to turn me into a living Ken doll! That ice was so cold. It put the definition of blue balls to a whole new meaning! It was so cold they sucked up inside of me and didn't come back out for a week. No gym showers at school for me until they dropped again. Her sister and the gorilla came back from smoking their joint and asked why we were sitting so far apart. I never really said anything as I sat there with a crotch frozen by ice and soda. So, much for the have a coke and smile slogan. This night was one to remember. First, Never Ever go on a first date in a Griswold car. Run like Hell, or change automobiles. Nothing comes out good in a Griswold car. It will be interesting to say the least. Second, Never Ever buy your date a drink larger than 8 ounces. Your preference should be a very small glass of water and not something that becomes sticky. Oh also, the drink should be at room temperature. If your date insist on a large cold or hot drink, you better be on your best behavior. Finally, you will survive the disastrous first date to go on many more. You go on and enjoy your adventures in the world of dating and hold on to the memories.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Shake it Baby

 One company that I worked for was going through an austerity program. A fancy word for pinching pennies. They were trying to reduce cost any and every way possible. One way was to reduce the copies that were created on the copiers. Since, the copiers were leased and they were charged per click. The number of sheets printed. Well, the ladies like to make copies of recipes and share them with each other. On a Wednesday morning, one of the ladies in my department made about 15 copies of a holiday desert to share with the others. "Ohhhhh, you are not to use the copier unless its for work", I said. She replied, " Quit being an old fart. They won't know." I said, " They will find out. For each and every copy made on the machine. Its image will stay on there and they check it every day to be sure its only company business. Its like a giant Etch-a-Sketch. You have to shake to remove the image." Our supervisor had walked up during the middle of the conversation.. Her eyes got real big and replied, "Oh my goodness. Will you go shake it for me?" Our supervisor had just took a big drink of his water. And when she said that, he could not contain himself. He start laughing and could not hold the water. Like Old Faithful, he sprayed her with water. I was laughing so hard I about wet my pants. He sprayed her with water, but she was hitting me with a yardstick. I had a few welts, but damn I had a good laugh. So, every time that she would make copies of recipes. I would tell her to "shake it baby, shake it." She would give me the laser eye and then a little chuckle.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Have You Ever Wonder

If the planets were removed from space, what would be there?

Does infinity really go on forever with no end?

If the universe was really in a jar on a giant's shelf on display like an ant farm?

When its cold out you can see some one's breath. Why you cannot see it when they fart?

Why in the hell is Friday so close to Monday, but Monday is so far away from Friday?

My Definition of contrails

From the dictionary:

Contrails or vapor trails are long, thin artificial clouds(man-made) clouds that sometime form behind aircraft.

My definition:

Contrails are trails left in the sky by loved ones that passed onto Heaven. I look up to the sky and see the contrails in the sky. I think of them as foot steps in Heaven. I imagine them as reminders that my loved ones are looking down on me and they leave the trail to remind me.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

It's the Little Things

Have you ever wonder about the secrets of touching someones life. Well, I have been reminded of this in the last couple of weeks. A high school buddy's dad had passed away. I went to the visitation at the funeral home and the memorial service. These were two events of three that I was reminded about the secret. At the funeral home, I would meet people that I have never seen before. Some would say, "Well, I finally get to meet you. You were mention so many times." Or others would say, "I have heard so much about you. It feels like I already know you." This happen on several occasions as I wandered around the room.  I was puzzled by this. Who were these people and how do they know me? What did I do? I'm just an ordinary fellow that is just traveling through life. I have not done anything extraordinary or special. I would ponder on this through out the week. As, this was on my mind another event happen in my life. This would be my third lesson on the secret of touching some one's life.
There was George, an elderly man and his dachshund named Oscar. Oscar is a lot like Oscar the Grouch.  He would fuss but he would willing accept a hug or a pet. George would walk with Oscar through the neighbor several times a day. We would exchange waves or greetings in the morning. Then later in the evenings on his walks. Oscar would bark at me as if he was telling me about his day. Then, I was able to pet him on his head. George and I would talk about little things like the weather or about Oscar. He would guide Oscar on their walk with a long stick like a shepherd's hook. Oscar would sometimes fuss back at George, but he would obey the commands. George always had a kind word,  a smile, and a wave for hello or good-bye. These two were a pair of kindred spirits. Well, I haven't seen George or Oscar for a week. I begin to wonder about them. This is where my reminder of the secret comes a full circle. I found out that George had passed away after a short illness. My days had not been the same without George or Oscar to see. I missed watching them wobble down the sidewalk, Oscar's bark, and George's wave. Those little and simple things made an impact on my day or week. I miss George and Oscar. I could always count on them to be there. It is here I realize what I had done to be talked about so much. Just like George and Oscar, I was there to listen, share laughs, and just be there. Its the simple things. The little things that bring the memories and love. The talk. The listening. The smile or laugh. Those things are the lasting things that are etched into our hearts and our minds. Those are special the things. That is why you are spoken about to others, because you were just there. My friend keep doing the little things in Life. And Thank You for doing them.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Conversation with a Friend

I was driving by a Brad's house and he was out washing his car. So, I stopped to shoot the breeze with him since we haven't talked for a while. We were joking around, laughing, and talking about old times. As the horsing around was coming to an end the conversation went like this.
I laughed as he just finishing washing the hood of the car a  bird crapped on it. Brad cussed at the bird as I walked to the back of the car. I place a little mud on the car's trunk just a finger print. I said, "You missed a spot on the trunk." Brad said with a smile,  "You ass." I was laughing and replied, "Hey ass, fat ass, or half ass everybody needs one. So, I am good for something." Brad shot back, "You smart ass." I replied, "Yeah my ass got me through college. What about your dumb ass?" As I was laughing and he was laughing too. Brad all of sudden turned around  with the hose pointing at me at full blast. I got drenched. Damn didn't see that coming. Brad with a wide grin on his face said, Who's the dumb ass now?" as he finished rinsing the car. We both were laughing real good now. Damn I had to dry the tears from my eyes. Shit my face was soaked. Is it the tears from laughing or the water from the hose?  Hell, who cares it was a good time.
Ah the sweet memories we make with our friends. Somehow we always find something to laugh about and add a little sweetness to life. Its always nice to have friends to share laughter with. Holding my glass in the air, "To you my friends wherever you are. Share a laugh and a smile. May laughter come to your day."

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Me & My Reflection

   A few weeks ago I was in our department's morning meeting. It was a dark winter morning. I was sitting with my back to the inside office window and Jason was sitting directly across from me with his back to the outside window. I went to scratch my ear and I notice that Jason was align directly with me. When I scratched my ear, my reflection in the window behind Jason made it appear that I was scratching Jason's ear. I would place my hands on my ears and they would appear in the window to be on Jason's ear. My hands' reflection was cupping Jason's face. I continue to play with the reflection. I would tug on my left ear and lean my head to the left. It appeared I was tugging Jason's ear and he would tilt his head in the same direction like a mirror image. It was like I was causing his head to lean because of the reflection. I would slowly take my right hand to the level of my right ear and move it across my face to my left ear. The reflection made it appear that my elbow was sticking out Jason's left ear and my finger sticking out his right. It was like I put my arm through his head. There was a long moment of silence while our supervisor was looking at something on her laptop. Finally, Jason looked at me with a puzzled look. He thought I was trying to draw his attention to Steve who was sitting next to me. I spoke out loud, "No, we are perfectly align and because of the reflection when I scratch my ear. It appears I'm scratching yours." My supervisor and everyone busted out laughing and shaking their heads. She says, "Dog you are like our morning entertainment. I never know what is going to come out of your brain and your mouth."

see ya,

dog gone

Dogman707

Driving and a Picking

It was a Saturday in late spring. I was cruising down Summer Avenue when I saw a buddy's truck. He owns a pest control company and sometimes he will go out into the field and crawl under some of the homes. As I got closer to his truck, I noticed his window was down and he was dusty as hell. I knew he was under a dusty house because he was picking his nose. He was digging deep trying to clear his nasal passage. He was just a driving and a picking. I lowered my car window as I got closer to him. At the right moment, I laid on the car horn and screamed, "Quit picking your nose you son of a bitch!" He about shit in his pants as he jumped about a foot in the air. His eyes were big as hell now as he turned to lookout his window with his finger still deep in his nose. We pulled over at the nearest parking lot. He jumped out of his truck and hollered, "I would whip your ass if my eyes weren't watering so damn much!" "Damn you dog! You scared the crap out of me. I must have shoved my finger out my eye socket.", he moan. " But, shit dog you got my eyes and nose running. I now have mud running down. I responded,"that's what friends are for to help a buddy out." Rick responded, "you smart ass", with a laugh. The moral of the story be careful when you pick your nose because a smart ass friend my help you dig the gold out.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Things You Should Never Do

1. Never use an old plumber's handkerchief.

Why? Old Joe, me, and the new guy David were at the job site. David was getting ready for lunch and needing to wipe some grease off his hand before he ate lunch. His asked old Joe if he could borrow his handkerchief to wipe it off. I tried to tell him not to do that. David did not listen to me. Later, that day on the way back to the office. We stopped at a McDonald's to get something to drink and use the restroom. Well, Joe and David were at the urinals. David's jaw dropped when he saw old Joe pull out the handkerchief and wiped the remaining drops of urine from his pecker. David could not wash his hands enough.

I tried to warn David. So never use an old plumber's handkerchief. For that matter no old man's handkerchief.

2. Never ever use your bare hands when repairing a commode. It is best to have disposable gloves on your hands. We received a call about a stopped up commode. We had trouble getting the plumber's snake to move freely in and out of the commode. We had to remove the toilet from the floor to check for cracks in it. We drained the water out the tank and bowl. As my boss raised the toilet off its setting and tilted it for me to look at the underside with a flashlight and my knife in hand. I noticed a black disc in the goose neck of the toilet. What the hell! I then looked on the shelf above the toilet and there it was an Oil of OLay jar without its lid. The woman had dropped the lid into the commode and did not tell the landlord. So, I proceeded with my bare hands to poke the lid out into the bowl. Well, faith would have it the lid flip and out plopped a turd into my Bare hand. AGGHHHH!!!! What the Hell! My boss started to laugh and said, "Dog she's a beautiful brunette." I told him, "I don't give a rat's ass how beautiful she was. I was Not going to hold her turds."  I said, "It looks like she had peanuts or corn last night for supper. Since, its lunch time. Do you want it? I should have used my knife to poke the lid back out

3. Never use a plumber's knife.

Why? See #2  Plumber's use their knives for nasty stuff.

4. Never/Ever be a smart ass to your boss. It could be a long walk home or pay check could be a little smaller. Or worse more turds in the hand.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707