My First Date

I tried for months to get a date with Beth. It was my 15th season under the sun and I was approaching the 16th season. Luckily, I had not gotten cancelled. Maybe, after tonight I may have wished I did.. More, on that later. I had a car but could not drive it yet, because I had to pay for the car insurance. I was getting the money pretty quick to pay for the first year. One of my dad's rule. I had to pay for a year's worth of insurance. Beth's parent would not let her date without a chaperon yet. Plus, they had to get to know me. So, I proceeded to show them my angelic side. Finally, I got their approval and they selected the chaperon. Oh, man her big sister. The one that dates the big gorilla of a football star. Big sis had this guy on a tight leash. You know kind of like Pinocchio.So, they picked the drive-in and some B-grade horror pictures. Friday night was here and we loaded up into her parent's 1974 Ford Country Squire station wagon. It was green like the one from the National Lampoon's Vacation movies. The drive-in always showed two movies. Sweet, a late night. We drove into the theater and found spot to park the car. Beth wanted to get the refreshments before the movie. So, we went to the concession stand. We got a large tub of butter popcorn, corn dogs, and a super large cola. I'm talking  about a two quart bucket or larger of soft drink. That is what she wanted. Well, it was intermission. Her sister and boyfriend took off  for the concession stand. The moment has arrived we are alone. Its now or never. So, I raised my arm over her shoulder and pulled her close to me. Nice! She welcomes this advancement. As I sat there with a grin and whispered "Sweeet!!", to myself with a sparkle in my eye. All systems are go, I got the clear signal to proceed to target. I slowly turn to her for the kiss. AAGGHHH! SHIT THAT'S COLD!!! She had dumped the bucket of soda in my lap! What the hell! It took me 12 years for my balls to drop and it took her 5 seconds to turn me into a living Ken doll! That ice was so cold. It put the definition of blue balls to a whole new meaning! It was so cold they sucked up inside of me and didn't come back out for a week. No gym showers at school for me until they dropped again. Her sister and the gorilla came back from smoking their joint and asked why we were sitting so far apart. I never really said anything as I sat there with a crotch frozen by ice and soda. So, much for the have a coke and smile slogan. This night was one to remember. First, Never Ever go on a first date in a Griswold car. Run like Hell, or change automobiles. Nothing comes out good in a Griswold car. It will be interesting to say the least. Second, Never Ever buy your date a drink larger than 8 ounces. Your preference should be a very small glass of water and not something that becomes sticky. Oh also, the drink should be at room temperature. If your date insist on a large cold or hot drink, you better be on your best behavior. Finally, you will survive the disastrous first date to go on many more. You go on and enjoy your adventures in the world of dating and hold on to the memories.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707