My First Date

I tried for months to get a date with Beth. It was my 15th season under the sun and I was approaching the 16th season. Luckily, I had not gotten cancelled. Maybe, after tonight I may have wished I did.. More, on that later. I had a car but could not drive it yet, because I had to pay for the car insurance. I was getting the money pretty quick to pay for the first year. One of my dad's rule. I had to pay for a year's worth of insurance. Beth's parent would not let her date without a chaperon yet. Plus, they had to get to know me. So, I proceeded to show them my angelic side. Finally, I got their approval and they selected the chaperon. Oh, man her big sister. The one that dates the big gorilla of a football star. Big sis had this guy on a tight leash. You know kind of like Pinocchio.So, they picked the drive-in and some B-grade horror pictures. Friday night was here and we loaded up into her parent's 1974 Ford Country Squire station wagon. It was green like the one from the National Lampoon's Vacation movies. The drive-in always showed two movies. Sweet, a late night. We drove into the theater and found spot to park the car. Beth wanted to get the refreshments before the movie. So, we went to the concession stand. We got a large tub of butter popcorn, corn dogs, and a super large cola. I'm talking  about a two quart bucket or larger of soft drink. That is what she wanted. Well, it was intermission. Her sister and boyfriend took off  for the concession stand. The moment has arrived we are alone. Its now or never. So, I raised my arm over her shoulder and pulled her close to me. Nice! She welcomes this advancement. As I sat there with a grin and whispered "Sweeet!!", to myself with a sparkle in my eye. All systems are go, I got the clear signal to proceed to target. I slowly turn to her for the kiss. AAGGHHH! SHIT THAT'S COLD!!! She had dumped the bucket of soda in my lap! What the hell! It took me 12 years for my balls to drop and it took her 5 seconds to turn me into a living Ken doll! That ice was so cold. It put the definition of blue balls to a whole new meaning! It was so cold they sucked up inside of me and didn't come back out for a week. No gym showers at school for me until they dropped again. Her sister and the gorilla came back from smoking their joint and asked why we were sitting so far apart. I never really said anything as I sat there with a crotch frozen by ice and soda. So, much for the have a coke and smile slogan. This night was one to remember. First, Never Ever go on a first date in a Griswold car. Run like Hell, or change automobiles. Nothing comes out good in a Griswold car. It will be interesting to say the least. Second, Never Ever buy your date a drink larger than 8 ounces. Your preference should be a very small glass of water and not something that becomes sticky. Oh also, the drink should be at room temperature. If your date insist on a large cold or hot drink, you better be on your best behavior. Finally, you will survive the disastrous first date to go on many more. You go on and enjoy your adventures in the world of dating and hold on to the memories.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707

Shake it Baby

 One company that I worked for was going through an austerity program. A fancy word for pinching pennies. They were trying to reduce cost any and every way possible. One way was to reduce the copies that were created on the copiers. Since, the copiers were leased and they were charged per click. The number of sheets printed. Well, the ladies like to make copies of recipes and share them with each other. On a Wednesday morning, one of the ladies in my department made about 15 copies of a holiday desert to share with the others. "Ohhhhh, you are not to use the copier unless its for work", I said. She replied, " Quit being an old fart. They won't know." I said, " They will find out. For each and every copy made on the machine. Its image will stay on there and they check it every day to be sure its only company business. Its like a giant Etch-a-Sketch. You have to shake to remove the image." Our supervisor had walked up during the middle of the conversation.. Her eyes got real big and replied, "Oh my goodness. Will you go shake it for me?" Our supervisor had just took a big drink of his water. And when she said that, he could not contain himself. He start laughing and could not hold the water. Like Old Faithful, he sprayed her with water. I was laughing so hard I about wet my pants. He sprayed her with water, but she was hitting me with a yardstick. I had a few welts, but damn I had a good laugh. So, every time that she would make copies of recipes. I would tell her to "shake it baby, shake it." She would give me the laser eye and then a little chuckle.

see ya

dog gone

Dogman707