Things a Son-in-law shouldn't say to His Father-in-law

Son-in-law, "Have you seen my package?"

Father-in-law with puzzled look on his face, "No and I don't need to see your package."

Son-in-law, "No, not that! I order something from Amazon and it suppose to arrive today."

Father-in-law, " At least you dream big small fry."

Son-in-law, "Aggghhhh! You know what I mean."

Father-in-law with a smirk on his face, "Welcome to the family son."

(Your in-laws maybe old, but they wrote the book on being a smart ass. Oh now your part of the family. Also, your Father-in law Never Ever wants to see your package.) 

The Past

Hello old friend my Past
I fear you no more
You no longer control me
I'm here today planning my tomorrow
I sometime fear the unknown
But I know you well
I have lived you
You do not scare me anymore
I'm here ahead of you going into the future
You are there behind me
getting further behind with each day
I am not proud of my Past,but I'm not ashamed
Because of you, I have grown stronger
You are the victim, not me
because I have survived you to be here today
And you live in yesterday
On my mirror the note says,
"The Past is further behind me than it appears"
So, my old friend the Past
I leave you today once again to step into the future
Good bye Past
Hello tomorrow.

see ya,

dog gone

Dogman707

What are They Talking About????

Part I

Two guys walking out of the restroom:

First guy, "Man I didn't like how it felt in my hand. It was too large."

Second guy, "Yeah its like a hand cannon. Hard to hold."

Third guy gives them a strange look as he is going into the restroom.

Third guy says out loud. "What was that about?"

Fourth guy standing at the urinal laughing while he is looking down.

Was he laughing at what he was looking down at or the comments.

Translation: The two guys were talking about guns; different types of pistols.
Yes firearms.
Fourth guy was not laughing about what was in his hand, but the puzzlement of the third guy.

Part II

A guy walks into the office room were three other guys are at first thing in the morning.

He says to one of the guys, " Hey I saw a Viagra commercial this weekend
 that reminded my of you."

Room went dead silent.

I'm not even going to try and translate that. 

Careful what you say and be careful what you hear. It might not be what you think it is.

A Penny for Your Thought

Scraggly Santa, "You sir one penny, just one."
Frank, "No thank you not today."
Scraggly Santa, " A penny or two will certainly be good news to somebody out there."
Frank replied, "Ump, I guarantee one penny won't do any good."
Scraggly Santa, "Of course it will Frank that's why they call it change."

From Yes, Virginia - CBS Special

Third Quote

"You know you are old when you are in the shop(doctors' office) for maintenance more than your car is."

Dogman707

Another Quote

"You  are old when you have more 
doctors than friends in your cell
phone's contact list."

Dogman707

A Quote

"Cream is not the only thing that
floats to the top. Sometimes turds
float.

My boss congratulating me when I broke a company record.

Dogman707

A Contradiction

"Love is not a feeling, but an action.

Perform an act of Love for someone and someone will feel Love"

Dogman707

Rhetorical question

Man has tried to define Love. There are many definitions of Love.

The real question is.

What is your definition of Love?

Once you have answered this, you will have found Love.

See ya

dog gone

Dogman707